Connection to all, attachment to none
“The root of suffering is attachment.”
I have been reflecting inward over these last few months and it continues to become abundantly clear that I still struggle with some of the attachments in my life.
Attachments to outcomes, unmet expectations, feelings of inadequacy, fears of being unheard, anxieties of the unknown - the list goes on.
It’s incredibly simple to write off my awareness and attempts to heal as futile when I’m met with resistance at every corner. However, isn’t that exactly how it should be?
I’ve spent the last 30 years of my life attached to everything and connected to nothing - mostly because I was never connected with myself. I’ve been connected to this hand-crafted, disillusioned, by trauma persona.
It only makes sense that the people, places, and things in my life will be a little confounded by this new version of myself that continues to show up and speak the truth.
I’ve come to find that this boldness is actually offensive to some of the most consistent players in my life.
In the past, I would’ve indefinitely retreated back into the abyss of compliance and ultimately suffered at the hands of repressed anger and self-chastising responses.
Not today Satan.
No, but seriously, I am in awe at the paradigm shift that has been so gracefully unfolding through this process.
The more I accept and connect with the unadulterated version of myself, the more connected I am with the world around me.
Every single disappointment, triumph, and failure has been vital in the initiation into this version of myself.
The trick is to let go of the attachments - you know, the various fixated attempts to control my experience by clinging to what I perceive as desirable and advert what I perceive to be undesirable.
None of the above is serving me anymore.
I’ve never had control over much of anything anyways. Accepting and standing in the truth has been the catalyst to achieving any type of zen in my life.
To the anger, I’ve been harboring - come on in - have a seat, let’s have some coffee.
To the disappointment that creeps in every time I hear the invalidating responses surrounding my current situations - let’s talk about how helpful you have been in instructing me to validate myself.
To the grief - thank you for reminding me to be grateful for the love I had the opportunity to experience.
To all of the resistance in my life right now - Thank you.
Thank you for being my greatest teacher. Thank you for coaching me into becoming the woman I was created to be. Thank you for instructing me to let go and trust - the whole process.