Curiosity heals

Welp, we are back.

I’m not sure I have the words but we’re gonna wing this together.

Life has been life-ing and I’ve fallen right back into the comfort of my beloved apathy. I think I’m finally starting to understand the whole “tortured artist” concept. I would venture to say that pain is a necessary catalyst for creativity.

I digress.

My Achilles heel has always been vulnerability itself - or the actual process of confronting my emotions head-on. This year has been one unrelenting loop of catastrophically affective events. Vain attempts to recoil have ushered physiological consequences as my body has taken the hits blow by blow. (Cheers to old age - am I right?)

The tangible ramifications of discarded emotions have forced me to ask some hard questions and re-engage in my own life.

If you’ve been following along, you know I spent a few years in family court. It would be fair to say the entire experience was traumatizing. I cringed as my posts on this platform were screenshotted, submitted in discovery, and weaponized in the most asinine way.

“We are concerned with her mental health - have you read her blogs?”

“She’s unstable.”

Meanwhile, this platform and these installments have been an outlet - not only for myself but for so many of you who have related and reached out to connect.

However absurd, it was too easy to default back to my old patterns - stay small, limit exposure, and appease those who disagree.

And just that quickly, I was right back to shrinking myself and walking right back into the cycle I spent years crawling my way out of.

My inner critic was loud.

How did we get here?

Did you seriously go right back?

Are we tolerating this again?

As it goes, it wasn’t long before the pain was great enough - again. But this time, I was the one that had enough. I had plenty of things I knew I didn’t want and enough of the useless self-judgment.

I became the observer.

I took a step back and I saw the method behind my own madness. I needed to conduct more research and that was the reason I wound up falling for the manipulative jargon and unhealthy patterns of behavior - again.

The truth is, there’s still this inner child with unmet needs begging for just a little recognition. She doesn’t like it when people are unhappy and she craves emotional intimacy. She enjoys play and creativity. She gravitates towards the familiar and cowers in the face of novelty.

What if that is the way we choose to perceive our shortcomings? What if instead of playing the judge, juror, and executioner - we decided to take a step back and approach life with more curiosity and less criticism?

Criticism condemns; curiosity invites growth.

“We need to be curious about people and behaviors we don’t like instead of condemning them.” - Gabor Maté

I almost fell for the trap of setting some dumb resolution of writing more in 2025, but instead, I dove in head first. I’m not sure how any of this will land and honestly, I don’t care. I did it. I put “pen to paper” and here we are.

I challenge you to approach your day-to-day with more curiosity - in your relationships, workplace, introspection, dialogue, and any area of your life that could use more grace.

Cheers to a new year - fewer goals and more action. Catch you guys on the other side.