It's none of your business
“What other people think of you really isn’t your business.”
Humans habitually reach conclusions about other humans based on their individual assessments of someone’s facial features, posture, behavioral cues, and personality traits. In fact, kids as young as 3 evaluate personality traits such as trustworthiness, authority, consistency, and even expertise by reviewing facial expressions.
Casting judgment has been an evolutionary instinct dating back to humans deciding if the animal at the entry of the cave was a threat.
Isn’t that wild?
So we are hardwired, practically out of the womb, to make snap judgments which ultimately cultivates a deep need to be liked/loved by everyone and fearful of the opinions of others.
Let me just tell you what an utter waste of time it is.
I don’t know about you, but no one criticizes me harder than I criticize myself.
Adding in imagined perceptions of what someone else is thinking about me is absolutely counterproductive and it’s really not my business.
I will never be everyone’s cup of tea. In fact, would it really matter if I was? This ideology that we have any control over the thoughts, feelings, and perceptions of others is insanity.
At the end of the day, it’s always me vs. me.
Did I strive to be a better version of myself today than I was yesterday? Did I actively participate in contributing to cultivating the future I want?
If the answer is yes, then the rest is futile.
The truth is, other people’s opinions, judgments, and expectations of me are their problem to manage - not mine.
No one on the face of this planet has lived through the personal experiences I have. None of them walk in my shoes on a day-to-day basis. None of them pay my bills, contribute to my future, mourn in the pain, or rejoice in the triumphs with me.
We are all walking through life, on our own paths, trying to do the best we can with what we’ve got.
10/10 times that someone is being judgmental, they are actually dissecting displeasing characteristics within themselves.
“The yardstick we use for ourselves is the yardstick we use for the world.”
Everyone’s yardstick measures differently. No one person will digest you in the same way as the next. The opinions and feelings others have of you aren’t your business.
So why do we cling to wanting to be liked and loved by everyone?
Ironically, vulnerability and authenticity are the characteristics that breed connection - the opposite of clinging to the opinions of others and changing ourselves to fit the desired mold. When we shrink ourselves to suit the tastes of others, we are robbing ourselves of creating meaningful relationships - including the most important relationship with ourselves.
The more we stay away from concerning ourselves with what other people think of us, the more we walk in our own truth.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”