Vine Cutting
Once again, I’ve been MIA and non-committal when it comes to my writing. Let me make a public note that this has been to my own detriment.
Tonight I had one of those “wild Friday” nights where I ordered take-out, took a hot shower, started laundry, and caught up on some extra work.
In between my less than exciting activities for the night, I also ventured out to the entryway of my house to cut and clean up some vines that are growing erratically.
Aryanna and Liam both volunteered to come and help me as I was out of breath, trying to finish the job in the coolness of the night rather than allow it to carry on into the muggy morning.
Have you ever found yourself overwhelmingly grateful in the most random of situations? Yeah, that happened.
It hit me like a ton of bricks and rest assured it wasn’t the dust in my eyes (like I told my kids) but I was full-on tearing up at me and my little tribe doing our own landscaping.
If you’ve been following along our journey, then you know we have been through the lowest of valleys. From failures, triumphs, deaths, new friendships, failed relationships, and all of the life on life’s terms kind of things.
Thinking back to (almost) two years ago, I was helpless, hopeless, and spiritually compromised. I was a proud damsel in distress and I had no other identity outside of the battered woman I became.
Truth be told - I preferred it that way.
I was a scared, little girl that was waiting for her knight in shining armor to show up and save the day.
I accepted abuse and to my innermost self I believed I deserved it. I couldn’t fathom another day living the way I was living but the idea of being alone brought on all the feelings of impending doom and failure.
This unrelenting, toxic thought process led to crippling fear of abandonment/rejection and the inability to deem myself worthy or capable of anything.
If I could go back a year ago and talk to that petrified, insecure, wounded version of myself I would tell her that she is the only hero she needed. I would remind her that God didn’t lead her into the valley alone, but rather He walked before her and there was no feat she couldn’t overcome. There was no enemy that could rip her out of the hands of the One who recklessly and relentlessly pursued after her.
All that time, I was waiting for some imperfect human to come along and fill the narrative of who I was - when all I truly needed was to be reminded of who I belonged to.
Tonight was one of those simple moments when it felt like the universe was winking my way as me and my kids did a little landscaping together.
Cutting the vines around the entryway, with the two that mean the most to me, was the perfect symbolism of all of the hard work we have done together that landed us to this exact moment in which we all feel - loved, safe, validated, and free.
I don’t know how or why a little vine cutting led to this profound moment of gratitude and awareness, but I’m sure glad it did.
Hope you all are having the most fulfilling Friday.